good clean fun

take any song about lust and replace the theme with menopause. strange how much it works.

piceless

new blouse that's hot but not too obvious: $28
flirtatious hairstyle: 35 minutes
ironing: 20 minutes
makeup that hides wrinkles and creates a dewy look: 25 minutes
vintage jewelry that looks more hip than granny: $55
shoes that accent my  curves without making me too tall: 2.5"
dieting to maintain a socially acceptable figure: 20 years
date with a guy i'm hoping is at least polite: priceless?

for everything else, there's MasterCard: the bottle of wine, AA batteries and tub of ice cream i need when i come home disappointed and questioning if dating is even worth it.

adage

i've suddenly become aware of TV ads i never noticed before that seem to apply to me. bladder control, hormonally aging skin, heart burn, lubricants...you name it. have these ads increased in air time or have they escaped me up to this point. i find myself tuning in and listening closely to the "fine print" side effects and relating all too well to the woman up repeatedly in the night for gallons of water, bringing warming sensations into the bedroom and wishing i'd picked up arthritic lotions at the drug store. this brings to my attention the parts of aging that suck. i'm wiser, stable, grounded, financially free; i've got it together! is the cost of all this success a body that is falling a part more than rejuvenating? how do i reconcile? "youth is wasted on the young" and "hindsight is 20/20" ring more true than metaphor! have i become an 'old adage?'